puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
