Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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