she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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