I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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