when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
