just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
