Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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