I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
