eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
