We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I believe in your delicious
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
