I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You smell like stripper and shame
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize