you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
