Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
