i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
