Porn is love you can see.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
