We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
