he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
