She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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