One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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