I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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