The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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