You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
