Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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