Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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