How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
