You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
