Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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