I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Randomize
