Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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