so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
