My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
