So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
