I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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