You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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