my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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