he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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