Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
please come you make the beer taste better
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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