I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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