i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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