I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
