i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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