I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
being pregnant is like rehab
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
