i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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