I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
