holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
