i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
