My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
