the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
