Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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