his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
