Acid is not a monday night drug
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
im on a boat
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