8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
