so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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