Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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