next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
