I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
