We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
