Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
