I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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