his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
